Tuesday, December 06, 2005

The beginning of something great then I succumb to laziness

I hear a loud ruckus come up the stairs. A mixture of banging feet, a booming voice with a LI accent, and keys jangling. It approaches my doorand before I hear the key turn, I know instinctively it’s my roommate. It's his walk, his voice, and the usual thud of heavy bags falling to the floor as he picks up his cell phone's ring.

"Hello!" as he walks through the door, as I sit on the couch, answering myspace messages from friends, old haunts from the past, and a few of the big black men with babies' mommas who seem to love this busty red-headed Jew.

Talking loudly into the phone, common of LI boys, he walks over, kisses me on my cheek, and glances over to what I am writing.

"I'm dating off the internet too!" he exclaims. "Who do you have dates with?!" It becomes a show and tell of prospective dates, both of us perusing the online resumes of our potential suitors.

"I don't know about this guy. He looks hot in one photo but then he looks busted in the others," I say, looking for another answer besides the one I know.

"If he looks hot in one pic and busted in the rest, you know that one picture was on his non-busted day, with a professional photographer, and lots of photoshop."

John has learned what I have learned about the frustration of internet dating, if it is too good to be true, like eBay, it's usually a fake.

We resume shopping for men like we shop for our shoes.

His profile filled with a facebook of men he's worn and mine of those I've disgarded in frustration.

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Check this out:

However, reading an industry publication I stumbled upon this and not only is it fucking hysterical, but it also symbolizes the beginning of the end time.

My personal favorite:

Good Lord please bless these sinners as they eat their dinners.

Tyson Foods has decided to venture into prayer guides to help your family give thanks. Is this their response to Bird Flu? Is this really the best marketing strategy? Align a chicken company with divine intervention in face of the bird flu?

But this leaves me asking the question that all Christians are supposed to ask themselves when confronted with a moral dilema: WWJD? What would Jesus do? I don't think Jesus would be align his name with a Chicken company, especially in the face of bird flu.

In all seriousness, so the website asks you to submit your own 'giving thanks' for their upcoming sequel. But, will this corporation really support all faiths? Will they be inclusive of everyone?

Satan, I praise you! Thank you for giving me the rationale of Human-centric thinking. I await the end times for when you, oh Angel of Darkness, will show Christ your true wrath!

Or for the scientologists:
Thank you for the food we are about to eat. Please keep the alien dust that causes my family's pain away from us...through this good food, oh powerful universe, we praise thee and await our spaceship!

Sorry, told you I'm not funny right now....this week when I find energy I will fill you in on internet dating via myspace and CL, the weekend's events, and of course finish my apology. Please continue reading though. I don't know what I would do if I started to lose fans right now. You, my readers, are all I really have...well besides a hot shoe collection, a phat apt in the village, and an alcohol problem.



Oh and a friend of mine just launched her own site. It's a collection of reader submissions on a theme she picks each week. It's cool! Just don't pass that link onto your friends without passing mine along too...unless you work with me and stumbled upon this blog accidentally. Then just keep it our little secret...

2 Comments:

At 11:28 AM, Blogger Mz Manners said...

This Tyson thing is unbelievable! Thanks for brining it to our attention. Here's my question. Do the Tyson people give thanks before eating a snack?

Love your blog!

Mz Manners

 
At 2:29 PM, Blogger katie said...

You know, that's the funny thing about God. Everyone assumes he's on their side...

 

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