Sunday, May 08, 2005

It all makes sense

Ladies, I understand it all right now. As I sat at my keyboard for an hour straight exerting mental energy wondering if someone liked/just how much they liked me, it all became crystal clear.

If he/she is not your girl/boyfriend, then they do not owe you anything.

Even if they are the most charming person you have ever met, sends you cute little presents, picks you up for your dates at your door, picks up the tab for all of your meals...if you do not have covetted girlfriend status, then you do not have a right to expect them to change.

Let's think how fucking liberating that idea is?!

How many times have we wasted our time with some guy/gal thinking that if "we helped them change" how they have "potential" or any other psuedo psycho babble to rationalize staying with an "almost" decent guy. I am not going to lie, dating in NYC has made me reconsider the high standards that I once had. I have begun to make allowances for fixer-upers, guy's whose behavior would have been deal breakers (such as making me go dutch for dinner/drinks--do you know how much $$ it takes to look good?!?) all because finding a good guy is difficult. I have even begun to take it upon myself to help facilitate change with some of these fixer uppers.

And you know what I have learnt?!

If you are not a serious girlfriend, they are not going to change. Even if they claim to "like you a lot" or any other words they use to mask lackluster feelings. Since you are not their girlfriend, they do not owe you anything.

They do not owe you anything.

However you interpret their doting behavior, is your own problem because unless you are in a serious relationship, they really owe you nothing. Take the gesture at face value for what it is, a gesture. A nice thing that you do for someone because you felt compelled to do something for them...A gesture.

I feel liberated. I am going to take all of that energy and throw it into something constructive, such as finding a new job and an apt with John John. And this weeks dates (although I may just say no to the Arab, I mean I think I need a translator just to have a conversation with him.)


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