Driving the bus to hell

I should be studying math for the GRE test, instead I have spent the last few hours chugging double espresso cafe mochas in a coffee shop IMing friends, while pretending I am a NYU student. I tried tackling the dreaded letter of intent, trying to capture that balence of pity, intellect, and academic promise that admission committess eat up.

Instead, I am in a tail spin because I cannot find the motivation necessary to teach myself math (it wasnt at the bottom of the second cafe mocha), I cant get the words to match my passion and intensity for why I want to study social stratification at CU, and I am IMing my friend Adam...the one who is getting married.

Now I know that he isnt my soulmate, beshert or whatever language you want to use and say the word that we all lay at awake and hope for at night. It's just as I continue to date in NYC, I am losing a part of myself...becoming jaded, becomming the girl at 16 who used men for free drinks, free food and an evenings entertainment. Isnt it funny that 1 year living in NYC has almost ereased the lessons I learned while living on that feminist hippie sisterhood commune?

Welcome to NYC.