What this world is coming to

After the London bombings, being neurotic (must be the Jewish and Italian genes running around in the blood of the city's inhabitants), NYC went into this nutty "anti-terrorism" campaign. Random bags of every 5th person being searched (but only if you are every 5th person, even if you look like you are carrying a bomb and you are the fourth person, please get on our subways and if you are the 5th person who *may* be carrying a bomb, these searches are only happeneing at designated subway stops -- aka, bomb carriers feel free to board at the next stop which is a whopping 10 min walk away). With this type of "vigilence" comes the feeling of false security. Now, my friends will attest that I am neurotic. I wont eat nuts because I have an allergy to sunflower seeds and have this paranoid fear my seed allergy will magically transform into an anapalastic shock nut allergy and I climb seven stories because I have a fear of my rickety elevator in my new sublet...I think I have established for you that I am neurotic.

And as much as I pretend to be a hardcore NYer/world traveller/the type who is "if I am at the wrong place at the wrong time whatever," I have to admit that I was freaked out riding the subway. Especially the express uptown trains that notoriously are packed to the brim with people right after the bombings. And considering all the added security that is not only supposed to be a detterent but also to make the straphangers feel better, I know that I am not the only one.

This morning when I boarded my train, I saw a man wearing a *I kid you not* a gorilla mask, a metal briefcase advertising the History channel as well as a HUGE BLACK BAG with a middle eastern (or Indian) male in tow. Wouldn't commone sense dictate that somone on the train turn to the man with a briefcase and big black bag and MASK and ask him to kindly remove it, at the very least? Or what about the post 9/11 sentiments where NYers were so hardcore that if you looked slightly out of place, you got the stare down and "I used to play linebacker in college" mouthed to you. No, on the 1 train that I was on, people laughed, smiled and waved to the man in the gorilla suit. That is a great message we want to send out to people. If you are a woman wearing a hijab, you will be searched and asked for your papers but if you are a terrorist wearing a gorilla mask, you get smiled at and if you asked nicely, you could prob get a NYer to hold your briefcase and take a memento picture with you.

In other happenings in my life, I did a cost benefit analysis of my life and came to the conclusion that my variable costs are way too high. I am stuck with my rent (fixed cost for you econ novices) and the rest of my lifestyle is pretty up in the air. In looking over my life, I have come to the 2 highest variable costs: food/booze and international travel. The travel thing is going to be hard however, I am hoping that the comfort of my new apt should quell the bug momentarily and the fact that I have visited my friends a lot (except Lu--she is sooo good to me) should hopefully have them running to NYC soon. Also, visiting Europe 3times in a 4 month span is slightly excessive.

And I know that your author has made many a vow that she is going on a budget many a time and calls a budget giving up her personal trainer and not drinking the 11th Grey Goose martini at some posh bar, however, after dropping over $10,000 to secure this apt (2 months rent security+ realtor fee + first months rent), I am officially broke. No, laugh smile, nudge nudge wink wink "I'm broke" but still run off to Europe and indulge myself in Vueve Cliquot champagne and Seven jeans. No,your author is fucking broke. I even stopped eating out (which we know is my life blood).

In hoping to drop the variable cost of food, and since I live in NYC and the price of grocery shopping is outrageous, I have taken to going food shopping at my office's fully stocked fridge and pantry. Food consumed today: oatmeal, goldfish, and soup on the go. Oh yea, and the triple esperesso iced coffee for breakfast. New favorite super market: office pantry.

But since I felt lightheaded when I got home and realized that all I ate today was cafeine, ciggs, and processed foods, I decided to go food shopping. At the supermarket, I brushed passed the gourmet cheeses and fresh out-of-the-country produce, the usual fare that would rot in my fridge, for instead canned Goya products and boxed pasta. I walked up and down the isles price comparison shopping for the cheapest canned black beans and chilli. Wearing Gucci sunglasses and Ralph Lauren shoes of course. I do have to admit that I draw the line at going to 1 ply toilet paper.

Keep in mind what I was doing 2 weeks ago, in London chugging champagne, chain smoking ciggs and running ridiculous bar tabs.


I know I have come on here and whined about how much a women's college fucked me in the head, how I forgot knowing how to dress, be alluring to men and have become too intellectual. But the one thing it has taught me is how to treat women like men and when the time comes, how to be an effective manager because I am secure in my gender. Now I know that this sounds horrible, quite similar to the people on Ricky Lake who hate their own race, but seriously. All of the sterotypes of female managers (not including the one who knows who she is) has held true for every single job that I have held, from the retail sales floor when I was 16, the my stint in the fashion industry after college, to anal at my previous company. They all have this sick idea that they need to prove something to someone, to compensate for their ovaries because there is this assumption that they secretly (or in my case not so secretly and so not an untrue assumption) see using their ovaries to raise a family as a ticket to early retirement. And I am not even going to comment on the way that female bosses treat their female subordinates...like a sick sorority hazing ritual based upon emotions, victimization, and "paying dues."

In other news, since I got so rediculously sunburned last Thurs, my head and face stopped peeling so I do not look like I have both leprosey and a bad dandruff problem. Maybe I will be ready for Jdate soon.