Let's be real

I started back with the internet dating, putting up an ad on a site and all. Whether or not I pay, is kinda up to you all.

These sites have gotten a lot more savvy with the cheapskates such as myself. Back in the glory days, as a free member of match.com, nerve.com, jdate.com etc., I was able to respond to emails that I received. It was great. Saving money and playing by The Rules online. He makes the first move and pays for the correspondence, score! However, realizing how much money they were losing to asses like myself, these internet dating companies, who by the way capitalize on my datelessness in this fair city, changed the rules around. Now I have to be a paid member in order to read and respond to emails that people send. Which sucks because internet dating is an expensive fucking hobby.

Well, I posted my ad and I got three emails. And of course, curiosity is killing me so I think I may end up breaking down and buying a three month subscription. Even though after doing an inventory of the men who subscribe, 90% of them are below 5’10 and the remaining are a little on the tubby side.

But then I was thinking…I mean, I have a whopping five readers and I am sure that they know at least a few cute guys or possibly even gals (I told you I was open minded) who would be a great fit for me.

So readers, when called upon, you gave me advice (that I am not taking) about my life. You read about my rantings and my confusion with my life and, to be honest, you guys know me just as well as my best friends. So, I am giving you the opportunity to play matchmaker. Granted the last few guys who I have met as a result of my blog were absolute psychos. But, maybe one of you guys may have the anti-nutjob.

My requirements:
If you have been reading this blog you know I do not take anything too seriously. Not my health, my career, or even myself. So with that in mind:

Personality: The guy must be smart, funny, not convicted of any felonies, heterosexual preferred. I mean, I could be ok with a bi guy, but he has to be genuinely bi and comfortable with his sexuality. I do not want to run into a situation where I find out the guy who I had been in love with/recently had sex with also fucked around with men. Especially after he vehemently denied it prior to our romp, it kinda screams closet case. Creatives are a plus. So is Bipolar or anyone who can empathize with my sharp mood swings that run from illusions of grandeur to wanting to hide in bed, all within a 15 min span.

Physical: Please be taller than 5’6 and weigh more than 130 pounds for OBVIOUS reasons. Seriously, I like my boys broad because like all women, I am incredibly insecure about my body and like to feel as tiny as possible next to a guy. This does not mean, however, that I am ok with cellulite on an ass. Mine is free of cottage cheese skin, his should be too. Dark hair is hot. Especially when I can tug on it.

The funny thing is, what I am writing right now is a hella more real than the profile that I just wrote online. “I like reading and running. I like to try to find other ways to spend my time besides drinking. The Metropolitan Museum is amazing!!” Who the fuck? I mean, but let’s be real. I wrote a humorous tongue in cheek post in my myspace profile and I have 21 year old men with babies and babies’ mommas messaging me. Moreover, who the fuck wants to date honesty? But this is my blog and you readers already know what kind of small-time, huge sense of entitlement, spoiled brat, whatever-words-you-want-to-use-describing-me. You have a much better idea of who is my ideal guy than I probably do.

Pass on the info and photos! I promise I am cute.

By the way, I know women in self-defense so no funny business.