Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Memorial Day Weekend

I am so motherfuckingly exhausted. I’ve been tired ever since I woke up Saturday morning with a splitting headache, a remnant from Fri evening’s festivities that ended with me doling out lap dances in a gay club and showing off my stripper moves on Saturday morning at 4:30am. I didn’t care that I was writhing on the floor, spreading open my legs while wearing a short skirt.

Luckily I was wearing my cute pink underwear.

Taking these stripper classes is one of the worst ideas for an exhibitionist like me. Because, before I learned the ways of women on stage, I would just get blinded drunk, do the dumb white girl drunk dance—booty shakes as I simultaneously threw my hands up in the air. Nothing terribly hot, well unless you were the recipient of me “freaking” on your thigh. Now that I have a dance routine that I learned from my strip-ilates class, it’s like Artistic carte blanch. I am no longer just an attention whore validating my attractiveness, I am a performer!

Or so I think after five drinks.

It was a whirlwind of booze and non-cuddles, with me drinking far more than appropriate and sleeping with my wifey.

And of course my attempt at being a country bumpkin got thwarted when I scraped my toe on a tractor and I ran to the Emergency room to get a tetanus shot. But I was a brave little soldier.

Ok, off to bed for me. I am hungover, dehydrated, and exhausted from the weekend. And bloated. I don’t think I ate anything that wasn’t fried the entire weekend.

God I fucking love the south.

4 Comments:

At 11:01 PM, Blogger octagonal said...

where can one take a strip-ilates class? i wanna shake it and move it!

 
At 10:16 AM, Blogger AWE said...

Welcome to my world since you were doing the southern "thang".

 
At 12:25 PM, Blogger Madcapper said...

How the heck did you find a gay club in Charlottesville, VA? Did you at least get to play with the straight southern guys?

 
At 7:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I loved having my "brave little soldier" down for the weekend. Good times wifey....next trip we'll leave the tractor riding to professionals....
XOXO. now i just need to come up to NYC and get my stomach pumped!!!!

 

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