Wednesday, January 26, 2005

The politics of Friendster/bathroom/life

First of all, I know I am going to sound like the most shallow and insecure person but I know that this pertains to you, my humble reader, as before you think to yourself, what a horrible bitch I am, look deep within you.

Friendster is great at keeping in touch with friends, meeting new ones, and secretly looking up all the people from your past. First you read their profile, see if they are still the asshole bfriend/bitchy friend/just as hott and unattainable crush/random scary Craigslist man who wanted you to become his slave. You read where they are (check if they are still in their parents basement), then their occupation (are they gainfully employed?), see what college they went to, what their interersts are (are they intelligent and esoteric enough).

Then, you look at the testamonials to see:

1) if they are numerous--many mean that this person is fucking cool. It means that someone likes you enough to spend their time to tell the rest of the world that you rock

2) what they have to say--if they say that this person is so nice and sweet...blah. You still know that they are a loser. But if they have numerous references to crazy inside jokes, wild nights, randominos, and cool travel, then you know this person has been into some interesting shit since you last spoke to them

3) *Especially important for people who you dont like* how hott their friends are. If the person has hott friends, then you know they are cool crazy shit, Espcially if they write that they are "proctologist," "crackhead on the street" or something just as inane as their occupation. It means that they have a sense of humor and dont take themselves too seriously.

I can happily say that my friendster profile is fucking cool. My pic needs to be updated, but I have all the requisites for appearing cool to people who I dont like/dont like me. Hott friends, allusions to crazy drinking stories, people saying how cool I am, rehashing inside jokes, and next to my occupation says "office bitch." Or to people who look me up, I may still seem like I am in college and am actually this huge loser that walks a very fine line between reality and her sick sick fantasy world that is just the outgrowth of an allusion of grandeour that she cannot shake from her mad head. Which is true too.

So much care is taken in making sure that my friendster profile refelcts who I am.

What to do when someone from your past, who you did not like or never liked/the random person who you met one day and friendsters you to be their friend (thom is totally excluded, I mean I am trying to set him up with my hot vacay from Harvard friend)...and they are totally not cool. Their profile is lame. Their friends are lame (so much for extending a social network of people to date). And to boot, their pic is a seedy webcam pic that looks like they are one of those people who sit at home on the internet wanking off. That is not the impression I want to give off...especially when people from my past friendster me.

But how do you reject a person? How can you politely say, uhm, this person is not my friend. She is too...just doesnt represent me well, especially difficult when friendster sends an email that reads "Jane Doe says she is your friend. Click yes if she is..." So now I have some people who I dont really want on my friendster.

I didnt like you why would I want to proclaim to the world now?

But as if life couldnt be bad with politics on internet friend boards, then there is the bathroom.
Evidently, I am a weird person according to my friend Katie. Where I work the bathrooms are I check out stalls to find the cleanest. I have to be honest, the lag time between when you finish up in the stall and you are washing your hands and someone walks into the bathroom doing the same cleanliness makes me feel good when they pick my stall. Basically it says, I agree with your standard of cleanliness and you didnt leave it like a pig, you remembered to flush, no random pubes (I swear I have found this on the toilet seat), etc.


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