Wednesday, June 07, 2006

A letter to the woman I ran over

Dear Random Woman Who I Ran Over,

A few days ago it seemed that we crossed paths. It was 7am and I was rollerblading along the Hudson River, right around the Mercantille Exchange. You were with, who I think, your co-workers--dressed neatly in your pressed suit and they in their starched khaki pants and blue button down shirt combo.

My punk music was blasting on my I-pod, I was in one of my trances. Singing along to the music, weaving in and out of pedestrian traffic and recreating my awakward adolescent years. I was doing really well, and judging how you did not get out of my way, I bet you thought I knew how to stop.

But I don't. Just like the time I ran over a squirrel in college--the bushy tailed creature thought I knew how to stop too.

I'm sorry for grabbing onto you and not letting go. Despite the fact that I don't know how to stop, I am petrified of falling. So, when we crashed into each other, and I grabbed your buttocks for dear life and would not let go until the momentum passed, it was out of fear for my own safety. It hurts like a motherfucker scraping your skin. I didn't mean for you to fall down along side of me, but thanks for breaking my fall.

Especially since I got home to change into clean clothes and you had to go straight to the office with a grass stain on your thigh.

Much love,


At 12:56 AM, Blogger octagonal said...

holy shit...ahem...hell on wheels.
god you crack me up!

At 3:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey that's pretty fucking punk rock to rollerblade and listen to your iPod down in the biggest yuppie stinkhole neighborhood on the planet. My God, you are one rebellious maniac you crazy chick! That will teach those evil people with blue shirts and jobs not to get in the way of the crazy punk chick with the $400 status electronic device, the $500 rollerblades and the temerity to skate in the land of the $3,000,000 loft!

At 11:25 PM, Blogger team gingerbread said...

Aw snap!

The same thing happened to me, except I careen into a woman to avoid being hit by a car that I'm convinced, to this day, swerved in an attempt to hit me.

The woman was still pissed, and I was late for work, which sucked

At 10:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You pretentious-little-turd-posing-as-a-cool-chick.

Did it occur to you to apologize to the guy, rather than write up some lame-ass stuff on this blog (which I found by accident and will never read again, tho' I will lampoon it and your name Shannon, tho not your web address, on my radio show).

Simply put, you are a stupid cunt.

At 11:20 AM, Blogger Shandoll said...

1. I did apologize to the woman. You cannot grab someone's ass and bring her to the ground with you and not apologize. It's human nature, well, unless I grew up under a rock.

2. I love the angry comments because you sound like a FREAK. You are going to blast "Shannon" on your radio show? Listen, I bet you any amount of money that it is a college station. And please, go ahead and blast "Shannon". And if you could use the terms, "Blog, NYC, and drunk" because when all four words are googled together, they land on my blog.

So, thank you in advance for driving traffic to my site. And for being such a freak and giving me something to send around to my friends to show them the idocracy of some people when they can hide behind the cloak of anonymity.

I bet you like internet porn too, huh??

--Signed, the stupid cunt

At 12:47 PM, Blogger threetoedsloth said...

Notice: you got two mean comments here, and both of them were from Anonymous! Does it ever happen any other way? Anonymous loves to rip me apart too.

At 1:02 PM, Anonymous Hoyt Pollard said...

I love you "anonymous."

At 2:52 PM, Blogger eli said...

Can someone tell me what's wrong with internet porn? Preferably some who doesn't rollerblade...


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