Sunday, June 04, 2006

Sober and Single NYC

I don’t know how many of you have gone on a fourteen plus day drinking binge, but let me tell you, there is nothing glamorous about it. Even if you are having bottle service at Scores or watching “El Duque” get a lap dance. My emotions are shot. I am left with anxiety, make-up smeared across my cheek from last night, and this perpetual head ache. There is a very large part of me that just wants to crawl into my closet and cry. And I don’t know why, well actually I do. I have radically altered my brain chemistry after this two week “celebration” period with a downer by the name of Grey Goose.

I tried really hard to not drink last night, but it was my sister’s bday party and then my friends were throwing this party and it was cloudy, and I was wearing a black shirt and my “lucky” undies and the music was just so good…

There is always an excuse.

Especially when there is back to back weekends of partying. Last week we were celebrating my admission. Last weekend I was in VA celebrating seeing my old friend Rusty. And this weekend was my sister’s birthday weekend. I, unlike the rest of the world, do not understand the concept of moderation. If I am going to be partying again a few days later, why don’t I just continue the trend? I’d hate to be a good friend and all.

However, there is a lesson I learned in college that has stayed with me. I can treat my body like a trash can but once it shows in my emotional state, I have to put an end to it. Or else the results can be disastrous. And I finally have something going for me that I don’t want to inadvertently fuck up some how.

And now that end starts. It won’t be especially easy with the new summer season being welcomed with vendor parties. It’s just going to have to see my participation with a diet coke in hand, as opposed to drink # seventeen. Even if someone is picking up the tab for me to get sloshed. Too bad I am going to miss out on the wine bar party this week.

My thirty days of sobriety start today.


At 3:36 PM, Blogger NEWSKI said...

wow. good luck with that. um im not sure u can do it. but go ahead, prove me wrong! hahah

At 11:29 PM, Blogger Harpy Mandrake said...

Best of luck, girl. I hear that.

At 5:15 AM, Anonymous beenthere said...

Nip this in the bud, or give it up entirely. You're getting close to that point. If you can get it under control then more power to you. If it keeps getting worse, get help. AA can offer some help if it's your thing, but there are alternative methods of sobriety out there. You mentioned you love to research. Try Lifering or Rational recovery.


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