A trip down memory lane..and other nostalgic musings

It is 18 Farenheit, colder when you factor in the wind chill and I spent about 75% of my night outdoors, freezing...but totally well worth it. Except when you factor in that in the cold. And now all I want to do is eat really fatty foods like a bear and lie *quiessently* (Kaplan GRE word. I am paying enough and should use them) and that this trip out into the cold made me eat Pommes Frittes, which are basically baked in lard. Fuck. And I smoked hooka. And I drank a bunch of beer. And I am going to the gym in the early afternoon. Double fuck. All in the name of nostalgia. John even called and asked if I wanted to go out...it was like my life when I was 16.

So this evening, I relived my 16 yr old self, complete with wandering the streets of NYC in the freezing cold w/o a destination in mind, even tonight when I am the proud owner of an ID that says over 21. Fucked up how things dont change, huh? Same person, same semi-fucked up and wondering around without a destination in mind, same youthful innocence of trying to help this junkie into a cab, and we had a totally drunk person to provide the hours of the much needed entertainment that you need when you run around NYC w/o a destination in 18 degrees with only your fleece jacket on since you thought you were just running to the corner store to get a movie. Saw the tattoo place where I got my tattoo at 16, ate at the pommes frites place where I used to frequent--they still had my mango chutney mayo, walked accross Washington Square Park at night, had said really drunk friend almost buy weed off of the resident dealer...*almost* until my friend and I dragged him away, and yelled about the fucked up pigs in the city and something about fucking the establishment.

Shit, I still act like I am 16.

Only thing that is different? I am wearing tighter jeans and my hair isnt fucked up and quasi-green/red/blue/whatever color I failed at dyeing it. And I live here now, so no more LIRR aka, the LI drunk bus.

And I am going to some of the NY fashion week shows. My life this year has been the life of a quasi-celeb or a really well connected LI girl with cool friends who help a sistah out...

And march celebrates my 1 yr anniversary of being in a city for 1 straight year (well I took a month to travel last summer), first time in almost 6 years. Thinking, everything that I said I hated (or thought I should), and instead I have ended up embracing either b/c of environment or for sheer social survival or that I fucking like it...

I am still trying to figure out whether it is a good thing or if all of this, the life that I have built for myself is merely an extention of trying to remain busy and distract myself from the emptyness that is inevidable living in a huge city. But even if it is, should I bother to question my happiness?