Monday, February 21, 2005

Confessions of a not so grown up

I am 23 years old and I am a momma's girl. I call my mother like3 times a day, ask her opinion where I should go on vacation (South of France or to Italy?), and listen to her detrimental encouragement, that it is a shame that my best guy friend is gay because he is "perfect." Needless to say, I have a fucked up view on men.

Now, I don't care if your mother is a Jew by her great great great grand mother who just used to hang out at a synogogue...Jewish mothers, especially NY ones are a very special breed. They want the best for their daughter, the richest, the best educated, the best, because no matter how short/fat/skinny/tall/crooked nosed our mothers think that we are the most beautiful and the smartest, best personality. We can conquor the world.

So my mother, who works in a retail shop, accostes all the "good looking" men who go into her store...telling them about me--an over educated, cynical, traveller. I think she has even started to carry around my picture...all in the hopes that I find someone. Since I do not bring men home, she has to assume one of 2 things: 1) that I am the whore of Greenwich Village 2) a lesbian (Lu and I are awfully close, I guess sharing a bed and all is slightly absurd)

But my mother heard what every single Jewish mother hopes to hear, that our distant cousin is getting married b/c of Jdate. YEA. My eyes are rolling. The girl's mother bought her a 1 month subscription and in that subscription, she found, baited, and snagged her future (possibly-ex) husband.

Let's think what my mother is doing?

But I have given up on internet dating. It is bullshit and the guys all do it for the 1 night stands. Unless you are short, fat, ugly, and looking for a wife (ahem jdate) it is craptastic. I have had it, it is over, and bullshit. Went out on a date with someone...and I wasnt interested in him until he didnt call me. Now I am realizing that he prob just wanted a suck and/or fuck and I wasnt going to provide that on a first date.

Actually, as I was writing this he IMed me...IM?! Who the fuck IMs...uhm, does he not know how to use a phone? I hate men. I really fucking do. The good ones are homos.

I have officially hit rock bottom. It is confirmed, I am only interested in men who are not interested in me.

Remeber my Resolutions? Here's an update:

1.Find God: am taking my Jew class on Monday nights.
2. Stop drinking: I was doing real well when I was sick, but I have now been drunk since Wed. I even went into work late on Fri due to my alkie binge.
3. Volunteer: still havent done that, still a selfish cunt
4: 2 date rule b4 I hook up with someone? Uhm...I am still the kissing slut.

Putting app into CU, fell in love with the program...and I am scared that I won't get in. But I need to get in to have my sick fucked up fantasy life: SUV, Ivy-Leauge educated husband who is traditional but still fun (think Greg from Dharma and Greg), PhD from an Ivy institution in some esoteric discipline, 2 kids, and a big dog, wearing Jimmy Choos and carrying a Balenciaga bag, being mommy.


At 5:16 AM, Blogger Corinne said...

shan, you said yourself, you are really only 23. that means, that you can still enjoy yourself, the grudgy, crazy things we can only do when unattached, some what risquy employement status and with a mild substance abuse. so even though mama jewish is finding you your first husband, you go have fun, embrace you irish side. you deserve it before you buckle down for columbia.
love you


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