Confessions of a not so grown up

I am 23 years old and I am a momma's girl. I call my mother like3 times a day, ask her opinion where I should go on vacation (South of France or to Italy?), and listen to her detrimental encouragement, that it is a shame that my best guy friend is gay because he is "perfect." Needless to say, I have a fucked up view on men.

Now, I don't care if your mother is a Jew by her great great great grand mother who just used to hang out at a synogogue...Jewish mothers, especially NY ones are a very special breed. They want the best for their daughter, the richest, the best educated, the best, because no matter how short/fat/skinny/tall/crooked nosed our mothers think that we are the most beautiful and the smartest, best personality. We can conquor the world.

So my mother, who works in a retail shop, accostes all the "good looking" men who go into her store...telling them about me--an over educated, cynical, traveller. I think she has even started to carry around my picture...all in the hopes that I find someone. Since I do not bring men home, she has to assume one of 2 things: 1) that I am the whore of Greenwich Village 2) a lesbian (Lu and I are awfully close, I guess sharing a bed and all is slightly absurd)

But my mother heard what every single Jewish mother hopes to hear, that our distant cousin is getting married b/c of Jdate. YEA. My eyes are rolling. The girl's mother bought her a 1 month subscription and in that subscription, she found, baited, and snagged her future (possibly-ex) husband.

Let's think what my mother is doing?

But I have given up on internet dating. It is bullshit and the guys all do it for the 1 night stands. Unless you are short, fat, ugly, and looking for a wife (ahem jdate) it is craptastic. I have had it, it is over, and bullshit. Went out on a date with someone...and I wasnt interested in him until he didnt call me. Now I am realizing that he prob just wanted a suck and/or fuck and I wasnt going to provide that on a first date.

Actually, as I was writing this he IMed me...IM?! Who the fuck IMs...uhm, does he not know how to use a phone? I hate men. I really fucking do. The good ones are homos.

I have officially hit rock bottom. It is confirmed, I am only interested in men who are not interested in me.

Remeber my Resolutions? Here's an update:

1.Find God: am taking my Jew class on Monday nights.
2. Stop drinking: I was doing real well when I was sick, but I have now been drunk since Wed. I even went into work late on Fri due to my alkie binge.
3. Volunteer: still havent done that, still a selfish cunt
4: 2 date rule b4 I hook up with someone? Uhm...I am still the kissing slut.

Putting app into CU, fell in love with the program...and I am scared that I won't get in. But I need to get in to have my sick fucked up fantasy life: SUV, Ivy-Leauge educated husband who is traditional but still fun (think Greg from Dharma and Greg), PhD from an Ivy institution in some esoteric discipline, 2 kids, and a big dog, wearing Jimmy Choos and carrying a Balenciaga bag, being mommy.